I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
