I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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