She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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