went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
