I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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