My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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