I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
