these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
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Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
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I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky