We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts