Your face is a jimmy john
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
even my farts smell like vagina
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
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Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder