I'm lost and stupid without you.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
