so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
