I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
