Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
