I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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