dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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