you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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