there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
