my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
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He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
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I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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