From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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