First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
