The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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