Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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