Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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