Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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