Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm at about main and main street
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
