You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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