I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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