We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
