I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
