I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
