Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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