just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Ketchup is God's man juice
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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