The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
