either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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