dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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