goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My balls are so social today.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
