Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
