I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
