Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
