so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
