And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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