My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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