I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
