Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
