i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
