wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
