take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
