She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
