Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
