i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
