Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
