Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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