Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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