oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I still have a little drunk in my system
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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