oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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