i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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