so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my shit smells like andre
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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