no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
