Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
