somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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