I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize