I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
