Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this just has baby written all over it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
