It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
