I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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