My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize