her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
