if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize