none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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